How can you cope?

Today, my Catholic colleague (Mr Dominic Sim) picked up the mass booklet from the staffroom printer and returned to me. He said this was probably mine. But what surprised me was his next question, "How do you cope? Still doing all this?" (He was referring to my catechism work.) It surprises me because we hardly talk although we sit facing each other.

I guess he just couldn't imagine how I can cope with two demanding jobs, school teaching as well as teaching catechism. I know he must've found it unbelievable because he is now a Senior Teacher but is no longer a catechist. I just smiled and thanked him, but I forgot to reply to him. It's enirely due to God's grace. Without His mercy and strength in me, I certainly can't do that much!

Fr Erbin once said that teaching catechism is a 24/7 vocation and so is school teaching. Very often, I wonder why does God call me to these two vocations, especially when I'm not a person who is capable in managing myself and my time well? And yet, the greatest miracle thus far in my life is I'm still surviving in these two vocations! I believe this will be one of the greatest sacred mysteries in my life.

Encouragement from 'Jesus Feeds Five Thousand'

Yesterday was the last Parish Team Training session for SPP. Coincidentally, we also read about the story of 'Jesus Feeds Five Thousand'. This morning, I happened to chance upon this story again in the Gospel of Matthew and I find it so reassuring for me.

The points that struck me are
1) Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up to heaven, and gave thanks to God.
2) He broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples ... (This reminds me of Fr Erbin passing the first piece of bread to me yesterday.)
3) ... and the disciples gave them to the people. (like I peeled off the second piece of bread and passed it on to my fellow catechist, Kayne. Subsequently, each catechist did the same thing.)
4) Everyone ate and had enough.
5) twelve baskets full of what was left over.
6) number of men who ate was about five thousand...

Connecting this miracle that Jesus performed to our work in the children catechism ministry, I realise that I don't have to underestimate myself due to my inadequate knowledge or experience or amount of time I can afford to dedicate to this ministry. Each of us has to face our own constraints and difficulties in life. For most catechists including me, I guess the biggest challenge is how to grapple with our careers / studies and church work. Those who are married will have one additional dimension to add on to this struggle: family life. But this Gospel story reminds all of us that regardless of all these, as long as we offer up to God any little amount of time, energy or knowledge that we have, God will equip each of us with His graces and strength to enable us to continue to spread the Good News, and He in turn will bless each of our catechetical session and transform it into spiritual 'food' to feed the young people that we catechize.

Since Jesus Christ is our only Teacher, pray to him and ask for his divine help to transform each catechetical session that we have tried to put our best effort to prepare.

May our loving God sustain each one of you with His wisdom, strength and fervour for building up His Kingdom.

With love, prayers and peace,
Veronica

天主怜悯我

　　　林长震神父曾在最近的避静说过当神父的应该觉得是天主怜悯他们，才召选他们当神父。天主白白地赐给神父们恩宠，但却没有拿走他们的软弱，他们得背着自己的软弱，走这条神职人员的圣召道路。若天主拿走了每个神父的软弱，那神父们已经不是人了。
　　　我虽然不是修女，但我越来越觉得我能够在学校当一个全职的英文教师及在教堂当要理班老师，甚至是要理班的总负责人，确实是天主赐给我的一个浩大的恩宠。不知不觉，我已在教育界迈入第十个年头，而在要理班也服务了五年。凭我这个软弱的罪人，怎么能够身兼这两种备受人类尊崇的工作？
　　　我不认为自己的英文可以和洋人一较高下，因为我是来自讲华语及方言的家庭。读书时，在‘O’和‘A’水准考试中，我只考获中庸的英文等级，从来没有考到优等的分数。虽然自己是要理老师，但我还没彻底地认识整部圣经，更未掌握天主教的所有教义。坦白说，偶尔办告解时，还会忘记怎样念悔罪经，只好支吾搪塞。更可耻的是，到现在，我还诫不了迟到的坏习惯。往往每天早上，不是得搭德士已避免迟到，就是沦落在校外‘罚站’，等候升旗礼完毕为止。这样的一个人，何德何能能够当灵魂的工程师，众学生的榜样呢？这岂不是天主的仁慈吗？想到这，我不知如何回报天主的大爱。但仍然必须天天面对自己的软弱走下去... ...但愿有一天，我能脱离这些软弱的束缚，若不能的话，只求它将成为彰显天主威能的工具，间接地荣耀天主。

Greed

Luke 16: 11-12
If, therefore, you are not trustworthy with dishonest wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? If you are not trustworthy with what belongs to another, who will give you what is yours?

Discernment Once More

Initially, when I saw these video clips, I thought that I appear to manifest some of these signs... But now, I think it's just another wishful thinking because I'm not in the least holy at all.

No Love? No Dream?

Today, I saw this slogan on a T-shirt.

3 essentials of happiness:

Find something you love to do.

Find someone you love.

Find something you can dream about.

I try to reply to these 3 questions.

Yes, I can often find something interesting to do.

But I don't seem to have someone I love. I'm also not sure whether I do love God?

I also don't have things to dream about anymore.

4th - 6th Sorrows of Our Lady

While the world encourages us to get out of our suffering, Jesus Christ wants us to regard every suffering as super-naturally fruitful, either for me or for another individual. It's a mystical process of the release of God's grace. Jesus Christ is inviting us to imitate Mother Mary, to be a co-redemptorist.


http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=DY7P6PNX

I'm becoming curious with the spirituality of Our Lady of Sorrows. Before the labyrinth walk during the CCD Retreat, I asked God to tell me why Fr Anselm had said that my relationship with my mum is an unhealthy one. What's the role of my mum in my life?
After the labyrinth walk, when I returned to the hut, the first thing that caught my eyes was a wooden picture of Mother Mary at the foot of the cross when Jesus was crucified. I asked Sr, "What does that picture show?" She replied, "It's Our Lady of Sorrows." (whose spirituality was adopted by the Canossians Convent)
Perplexed...

God's Quiet Waters For Me- Coral Sec

A lot of my colleagues have left Coral Sec for various reasons. Some have considered to leave before and some are contemplating to leave the school. Me? I was posted to Coral since Term 2 of 2004. In a fleeting glimpse, more than 6 years passed. I have not only managed to survive there as an ordinary English teacher but am fortunate enough to be 'flourishing' in my involvement in church activities, particularly in the Children Catechetical Ministry.

I had also considered leaving the school twice. The first time was to intend to pursue full-time Masters course at NIE about two years ago and the second time took place during the end of first semester 2010 when I was pondering to switch to another school. After praying, I gave up the idea or so-called 'ambition' of getting a more 'worthy' academic qualification. It was this scripture verse that changed my mind: "For in union with Christ you have become rich in all things, including all speech and all knowledge." (1 Cor 1: 5) For the second time, I did try to look for suitable vacancies in my preferred schools and institutions during the Open Posting period, but to no avail. On both occasions, I took it as God's will for me to stay in my current school.

Recently, I'm reading a book entitled A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller. Through reading this book, I realised that this somewhat disagreeable working place that Lord

Jesus Christ had led me to is actually the best place for me. If I were in other schools where work is more demanding, I would not have been able to multi-task and perform my duties both in school and at church. Of course, there's still much room for improvement in terms of my efficiency in performing these multiple roles in my life, but at least, I'm surviving under God's protective mantle, which I truly must be grateful about it.

In my deep reflection, I soon discover that God is with me in this seemingly 'horrible' place. It is in Coral Sec that I discover that only He can satisfy me, nothing else. I not only receive God's comforting grace there, but also God's discipline on me. (Yeah! Don't be surprised, my friends or students! Teachers / Catechists also need to be disciplined by God! Haha! That's human weaknesses!) I also gradually understand His purpose and meaning of arranging all the events in my life. It is like all the pieces falling into place and sorting themselves out into a definite pattern of usefulness. Such a realisation is so refreshing and invigorating! Thereafter, the peace of God reigns in my heart and I am resolute to stay in Coral Sec because I know that's the quiet waters that God has led me to, the only place where I can quench my thirst. I'm contented.

Trust Fall (Experiment in 2010 CCD Retreat)

This was where Alycia couldn't trust Patrick (who was acting as Jesus)! Haha!

Anyway, these are some pertinent learning points:

• Don't limit or underestimate Jesus' capability according to human perceptions.
• Let your faith overcome your fear.
• True wisdom consists of obeying God; and in knowing that God is Supreme.

Cartoon Retreat (in 2010 CCD Retreat)

You'll never know what God has in store for you. It's beyond your realms of imagination!

Hymns for 2010 CCD Retreat

On Eagles Wings


The Power of Your Love


When I used this hymn to conclude this retreat, I simply could not sing along anymore.

ACCC2 Retreat

I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to Fr Anselm for sponsoring me to attend the ACCC. I hesitated taking it up at first, but after the first session, I already know that I have absolutely no regrets for attending this course. Indeed, absolutely no regrets.

Firstly, this course has changed my perceptions and understanding of catechism radically. Secondly, towards the later part of the course, especially during the retreat, it becomes like a personal conversion experience for me. Whilst having all sorts of plans and initiatives for CCD swirling in my mind, I am reminded by Jesus to be faithful to Him in the little things as well. In short, if I want to do catechesis well, I have to buck up on my personal discipline, in the aspects of setting a better example for students as well as gaining more familiarity with biblical knowledge, traditions of the Church and all the doctrines of Catholic faith. I'm actually a far way off from there.....

That day, I did not know where I managed to gather the courage and feel the compelling urge to share my struggles with the whole group of retreat participants. I actually broke down in front of the audience! Unbelievable! During Mass, I was so touched by the Holy Spirit that my eyes were overwhelmed with tears. Through this retreat, I also realise God's immense and incredible love for me, the endless comforting that keeps flowing into my heart, and I realise my poverty as well, and the fact that I'm being drawn closer to the light of Christ. Yeah! Praise the Lord! Alleluia!

Batam Trip May 2010 (2)

My First Hotel Stay!

Breathtaking scenery from my hotel room's window! It's something I can't get to see from my HDB flat in Singapore! I was simply ecstatic beyond words.

The interior of my hotel room. Isn't it simple yet cosy? Most importantly, it's SPACIOUS!

Hee... I'm like a swagu, a frog in a well.

Batam Trip May 2010 (1)

Seeing these children selling newspapers on the streets has a therapeutic effect on me. According to the tour guide, most of these children are very poor and have very complex family backgrounds as Indonesian men normally marry a number of wives! But they are so simple and ebullient children! When they see a bus full of tourists, they will wave frantically at us, smile joyfully and even jump up and down, to their delight!

As I looked at them through the bus window, I felt that relative to their plight, I am really fortunate, regardless of the conflicts or pressures that had occurred between my mum and me. I truly should have nothing to lament about.

My Gospel Reflection 3 (Matt 16: 13-19)

Although Simon Peter acknowledged that Jesus is Christ and Son of the living God then, he eventually denied knowing Jesus three times. Jesus clearly could forsee that happening but He still trusted Peter and declared him as the rock, on which He would build his Church. This shows that Jesus does not label others and thereafter condemns them. Instead, Jesus is ultra-magnanimous and merciful. Jesus had not only regarded Peter as worthy to serve Him, but even appointed him as leader of His Church. All human beings are weak in certain ways, but have we ever then disregard any person’s value because of their flaws? If that is the case, are we still imitating Christ?

In addition, Jesus told Peter, “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven: whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be consider loosed in heaven.” Having keys of something means that you have access to something and for Peter, Jesus gave him the authority to determine who should enter the gates of heaven. Imagine if Peter were someone who abused his authority, wouldn’t heaven be in chaos? Hence, first of all, a spirit-filled leader should have humility and recognize that without God, nothing can be achieved. In all our work, we should strive to love Him, serve Him with a pure heart, and seek to exalt Him. The second essential quality is to act in righteousness, thereby showing obedience to our Lord. Finally, spirit-filled leaders are mindful that they are only stewards of whatever ministries they are called to lead and thus the need to demonstrate accountability, both in terms of material resources as well as the spiritual well-being of their people.

My Gospel Reflection 2 (Luke 9: 18-24)

“If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross every day and follow me.” What is the meaning of to ‘renounce’ yourself? It means giving up voluntarily something, for instance the worldly pleasures, our human nature and desires. Taking up our crosses every day to follow Christ is never easy, but as long as we choose to walk in the light of Christ, God is always with us. God, our Heavenly Father, will send the Holy Spirit to teach us everything and make us remember all His teachings.

Moreover, The Christ of God was also not spared from the suffering. Jesus had chosen to fulfill His Heavenly Father’s will and was thus subjected to rejection, humiliation, physical torture, and later crucifixion. But Jesus was raised up on the third day! He had taken precedence over us, so what else should we fear when following him?

Reflection on Day 16

Qn: Honestly, are relationships my first priority?
Ans: Honestly, relationships with people is never my top priority, partly because I believe people tend to be unfaithful. Even if they can be loyal to you, circumstances change and this causes relationships to fade. Just like the way I'm slowly losing touch with my primary, secondary, junior college and even NIE friends. Hence, to prevent such a disappointment, I often remind myself not to commit deeply to any relationship, lest I can't take the emptyness of losing a friend.
In recent years, I also increasingly feel that only God's love for me is eternal and ever-present, which transcends all time and physical constraints, NOT even friendship. Hence, I often prefer solitude, which allows me to be in communion with God. God is forever there for me, despite my busy schedule and despite my sinfulness.
Until in Parish Assembly held at my church towards end of 2009, God sent Uncle Louis and Uncle Peter to tell me that spirituality is not only about your personal relationship with God, but it's also about how you spread the love you receive from God to others. I was stumped!

Qn: How can I ensure that relationships is now my first priority?
Ans: Having a mother who has a lot of hidden insecurity, I can only do my utmost to preserve my relationship with her. I had tried different approaches or 'schemes' to get a little freedom, but they all failed. Each time, we ended up in great agony, adding onto our emotional scars.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, my craving for freedom has somehow mysteriously disappeared. I no longer want to try to engage myself in activities in an attempt to escape from her. I now only pray that she has no more misunderstandings about me, that's all!

However, this means that I would have no choice but to regard friendship as less important. It's not that I don't appreciate true friends, or I don't need them, but it's just that I can't do much for them, given my unique family situation. I'm sincerely sorry, Angeline!

Day 16 - What Matters Most

Life is all about love.
It is in loving that we are most like Him.
"The whole Law can be summoned up in this one command: 'Love others as you love yourself.' " (Galatians 5: 14)
Love cannot be learned in isolation. To develop the skill of loving, you have to be around people -- irritating, imperfect, frustrating people.

Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why?
1) Life without love is really worthless.

• Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. But God says relationships are what life is all about.
• Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people.
• Paul said, "No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." ( 1 Corinthians 13:3)
• Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life.
• Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. (Is Coral slowly eroding our friendship? We see each other every day but we just don't have the time for a heart-to-heart chat?)

2) Love will last forever.
Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. (A surge of warmth rose in my heart when I saw Zhan Ying and Agnes Lim that night outside Tampines One, running towards me from a far distance, shouting, "Miss Lee." Then, we met each other again at Tampines bus interchange and had quite a long chat.)

3) We will be evaluated on our love.
One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships.
God will review how we treated other people, particularly those in need.

The Best Expression of Love is Time

• Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
• The most desired gift of love is focused attention.
• Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love.
• Love means giving up - yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else. (And I think very often, love also means giving up your dignity or so-called 'face'.)

(My top three priorities these two years have been school work, church work and spending time with my mum. I'm already struggling to juggle my time between these three priorities. When school term starts, I will have to focus on school work followed by spending time with my mum. When holiday starts, I will switch my focus to catechism ministry work followed by spending time with my mum. My life is very much driven by work. Reading, blogging and praying in the adoration room are the only times I leave for myself. I have no complaints, especially about my heavy responsibility in the catechism ministry.

My only regret is I can't afford to spend more time with my best friend, Angeline. She's the only one who seems to have telepathy with me. She can sense that I'm upset or behaving rather awkwardly even when we don't get to talk face-to-face. I truly thank God for giving me such a close and reliable buddy but I often feel guilty for not being able to keep her company for as often as I would wish to. Many times, when she asked me out, I had to reject her for various reasons. This year, when she most needed a listening ear, I wasn't by her side as well. In fact, our communication with each other this year is more on sms rather than talking face to face.)

The Best Time to Love is Now

• Because you don't know how long you will have the opportunity.
• Circumstances change. You have no guarantee of tomorrow.
• If you want to express love, you had better do it now.

- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.

My Gospel Reflection 1 (Luke 7: 36- 8: 3)

This is the first time I wrote a Gospel reflection. Thanks to the inspiration given by the Holy Spirit. Praise the Lord! (Anyway, I'm not that pious or hardworking. As part of the Lectors' Ministry duty, we have to write Gospel reflections for my church bulletin for a month. Since I've written, might as well post it on my blog! :>)

The theme for this week's Eucharistic celebration is the forgiving Christ. Indeed, Christ's mercy is once again manifested in today's Gospel reading. However, I am even more stricken by the courageous acts of the woman. Despite being aware of others' condescending looks on her, she slipped into the Pharisee's house. She wept profusely as she was deeply repentant for her bad life. When her tears dropped on Jesus' feet, she wiped them away with a woman's prized possession - her hair. Then, she kissed Jesus' feet and poured perfumed ointment on them. She was an uninvited guest or might be regarded as a trespasser, but she was doing all the gestures of hospitality that a good host should show for his guest. In contrast, the Pharisee who had invited Jesus to his house did not do anything to welcome Jesus, not even the basic courteous act of washing a guest's feet with water. But this repentant woman risked being accused of showing audacity in her process of seeking forgiveness from Christ. Look, just how determined and fearless she was!

When we commit a sin, do we have the courage to confess to God? Do we dare to seek God's pardon and mercy? Are we just as determined to restore our relationship with God by getting our sins removed or are we still hindered by pride or fear of embarrassment?

比坦

你为什么像比坦一样永远不相信我？你为什么像比坦一样永远怀疑我？
我也许是自私点，也许疏忽了，也许懒惰，更也许不懂得什么是真爱和自我牺牲的精神，但我敢对主发誓我从来没有瞧不起你，从来没有因自己是大学生而鄙视你，更没有嫌弃你与我参加同一个教会团体。为什么你偏要说我歧视你，甚至算计你，谋害你？
难道就因为我是瘟神的种？难道就因为我是瘟神的种，圣神就不可能在我身上运作，使我改变过去的陋习吗？
我心碎了。你一直坚持说我走歪路了，去为魔鬼服务了，违反了天主的十诫。
你一直在我耳边说我嫌弃你，不孝顺你。难道我潜意识中真的有这样想过吗？我已迷惘了。天主，到底祢让这个误会产生，是真的为了警告我已失去纯洁的灵魂，开始高傲起来，还是祢要考验我是否会效仿祢被订在十字架上默默地坚忍一切不公平的斥责？天主，我不愿迷失自己，祢是最洞悉一切的主，若我内心深处真的有丝毫鄙视比坦的念头，就请你带我的灵魂走吧！若没有的话，就请你通过圣神赐给我力量及更多的爱德去更加细心爱护和宽恕比坦，而不要在乎个人的自尊及谁对谁错。