Qualities of St Joseph and Messiah

1) Righteousness
2) Sensitivity
3) Responsiveness to God
4) Self-discipline

- taken from Fr Thomas' homily

For me, although I'm a leader in the Catechetical Ministry now, I have yet to possess all the four desirable qualities of St Joseph and Messiah. However, I feel that God is rescuing me from my hideous sinful nature and is trying to develop these four qualities in me through the people around me, at home, in school and in church. At least, my heart is being stirred up by the Holy Spirit and I'm now more watchful of my real intentions and attitudes behind my actions. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Lord Jesus!

The Awakening 2

Indeed, I’m quite certain that this book was hand-picked for me by God Himself. If not, I can’t explain why I got so immensely attracted to this book after browsing through a few pages of it and without hesitation, I borrowed it instantly as if it contains the answers I need.

After reading this section entitled “Goodness and Rightness” in this book, it starts to dawn on me that I’m indeed a bad daughter. In addition, many events that happened to my church life recently point out that I have no real love for my mum. I think my love for my pupils and even for my stuffed toys can surpass the ‘love’ for my mum. I hate my mum for restricting my freedom. I hate my mum for not trusting me enough. I hate my mum for accusing me of harbouring selfish or evil intentions when I can swear that I do not have such intentions at all. I hate my mum for accusing me of flaring up when my temper hasn’t even risen. I hate my mum MOST when she says that I resemble my sickening Dad and cannot notice that I’m already striving to change for the better, by the grace and salvation of God, although certainly not perfect yet! Because of all that, I’m deeply agitated with my mum and I find that sometimes, her words just rouse more resentment and anger in me. This is the brokenness that is rampant in my apparently ‘close’ relationship with my mother.

My heart is getting more unsettled and disturbed these days. I used to think that I’m a filial and obedient daughter who sacrifices my time for my mum and she really should not ask for more, comparing myself to contemporary teenagers who seldom go out or spend their leisure time with their parents. But recently, God seems to be reproaching and has been bombarding me with Bible phrases like ‘do not harden our hearts’, ‘it is kindness that I want, not animal sacrifices’, ‘put on sincere love’, ‘not grow tired of doing good’ and the like. These biblical messages and the current circumstances have stirred me tremendously out of my comfort zone.


All along, I assumed the fault lies in my mother for hurting me. But this book has made me realize that children need to show a greater tolerance and appreciation for their parents’ limitations and recognize that being also humans, they are capable of inflicting pain on us too. However, parents are not wrong because they still love their children. On the contrary, I have high expectations of them since parents are the role models and our closest ones. I strongly felt that all the more, they should not hurt their children. That’s why I often collapse into tears whenever my mum accuses me, and my mum will take that crying as a sign of my meekness. But I can’t tell her the truth that she has accused me and even if I try, both parties will get ‘hotter’. She’ll never understand.

The solutions to my predicament are to practise sorrowful obedience in addition to simply joyful obedience (mentioned in Fr Thomas’ homily) and to take refuge in Lord Jesus. In other words, gladly accept these unfair treatments as a kind of suffering and trial that God our Father wants me to undergo and triumph over it. Continue to see the face of our Heavenly Father in my mum’s face, no matter how ‘unreasonable’ she may sometimes be, because ultimately, she still loves me. Love prevails and reigns! When tensions are running high at home, focus on the Lord for He is my rock and refuge. Focus on the Lord's love for me and thus in gratitude, I should avoid sin. Do NOT focus on preserving my dignity.

Last but not the least, one comforting message that I get from this book is the more I’m made aware of my own flaws in my character, I’m actually being drawn closer to God. Allelujah!

Lord, I thank you for sustaining me and allowing me to grow through this awakening. Thank you for letting me to come out of my shell of complacency. I pray that you will give me the strength and grace to show genuine love to my mum. Strengthen me in faith to allow me to surrender and trust in You.

Goodness and Rightness

1) The key to morality is to strive to know the right and to do it. Otherwise, we are bad.
2) Morals are matters of love, are matters of effort.
3) Real sin is the failure to act, the failure to love. In fact, throughout the Gospels, sin is not attributed to obvious wrongdoers, but consistently to those who don’t bother to love.
4) What have I done for Christ? What am I doing for Christ? What will I do for Christ?
5) Appreciate that parents have limitations and recognize that parents are capable of causing considerable harm. The parent may be wrong, but not because of any failure to love.
6) Hearts of sinners have not been “bothered” or “unsettled”; they are content, complacent, resting assured.
7) We ought to be modest about our self-understanding. In terms of rightness, we might be more upright. In terms of goodness, we might not necessarily be more loving.
8) For our lives are not personal achievements. What we have now in our lives is not an accomplishment, but a gift.
9) As saints get older, they realize that there is plenty for them to be thankful for because of God’s mercy. They also grow in the self-understanding that they are probably not as good as they thought they were.
10) As people get closer to God, they realize that most of the light is radiating from God onto themselves, and not, vice versa.
- extracted from James F. Keenan, S.J. Commandments of Compassion

The Awakening 1

It was my first visit to the Catholic Welfare Centre library at Waterloo Street next to my church. I went there with two senior catechists. I was feeling rather upset deep inside my heart because of the conflicts I had with my mum earlier. She scolded me for not answering her phone calls when I had switched it on silent mode during a course. She accused me for desiring to be in different groups as her during the Chinese Bible class whenever we draw lots. I was most stunned and saddened by her false accusations. In the quarrelling process, she complained that the main reason is because I never place her in my top priority. Later, in retrospect, I realized this could be true and that is why I have seldom or never considered her needs, which adds on to her level of insecurity and anxiety. I do not have compassion for my mum and only think of defending myself whenever she accuses me.

During catechism class this morning, I asked my pupils to think of three guiding values in a family and surprisingly, one of them said humility and another said stupidity. Aaron then asked me whether I had gotten angry before. I mustered my courage and shared with them my ‘suffering’ the day before. After recounting my disagreement with my mother in tears, I told them that I initially thought that truth should be an essential value that governs all interactions within the family. But I now realize that love is the more important ingredient that binds a family closer together. If you sincerely love your family members, then you will not do anything to destroy the intimate relationships, not even fighting for your own justice. However, this is something I have failed to do and God was telling me through my pupils to be more humble and even to claim ‘stupid’ if necessary to maintain peace and harmony in the family.

On the same day inside the library, Agatha reminded me that what matters most is not doing all the big things or projects for Christ. But in fact, the tests of our faithfulness come in the form of whether we choose to obey Christ in all the small things that we do in our daily lives. That is truly an apt reminder for me, especially in all my communications with mum, which I must remember for the rest of my life as I dedicate myself to the service for God.