比坦

你为什么像比坦一样永远不相信我？你为什么像比坦一样永远怀疑我？
我也许是自私点，也许疏忽了，也许懒惰，更也许不懂得什么是真爱和自我牺牲的精神，但我敢对主发誓我从来没有瞧不起你，从来没有因自己是大学生而鄙视你，更没有嫌弃你与我参加同一个教会团体。为什么你偏要说我歧视你，甚至算计你，谋害你？
难道就因为我是瘟神的种？难道就因为我是瘟神的种，圣神就不可能在我身上运作，使我改变过去的陋习吗？
我心碎了。你一直坚持说我走歪路了，去为魔鬼服务了，违反了天主的十诫。
你一直在我耳边说我嫌弃你，不孝顺你。难道我潜意识中真的有这样想过吗？我已迷惘了。天主，到底祢让这个误会产生，是真的为了警告我已失去纯洁的灵魂，开始高傲起来，还是祢要考验我是否会效仿祢被订在十字架上默默地坚忍一切不公平的斥责？天主，我不愿迷失自己，祢是最洞悉一切的主，若我内心深处真的有丝毫鄙视比坦的念头，就请你带我的灵魂走吧！若没有的话，就请你通过圣神赐给我力量及更多的爱德去更加细心爱护和宽恕比坦，而不要在乎个人的自尊及谁对谁错。

Coughing

Very often, in Coral, when confronted by ultra-hectic schedules and approaching deadlines, I often wished to fall sick so that I can get mcs, which is a form of respite for me.

God has somehow 'granted' my wish. First, I fell down at the altar steps when I was doing my lector duty, which caused me to visit a Chinese physician. After completing the Chinese medicine, I soon developed a long period of cough and flu. It drags on for about a month ever since after Crescendo till now. After visiting my usual family doctor four times, I still could not recover, until recently, I had to switch to another private clinic. Indeed, in total, I managed to take about four to five days of mcs during this most stressful exam period.

However, for the first time in my life, I experienced what it means by vulnerability, both physically and emotionally. (I don't recall having such feelings even when I was contracted with Hand Foot Mouth disease two years ago.) I often felt the rumbling of phlegm in my chest when I tried to raise my voice, when I tried to say something, when I sang hymns, and even when I walked faster. I remember myself coughing incessantly while invigilating in the hall after darting to and fro to give foolscap papers to those candidates who need extra writing materials. At that moment, I felt so weak and defenseless, like an old woman. (I often take pride in myself for being the swiftest and probably most alert invigilator.) Suddenly, the self-confident image was crumbled to pieces. I have never felt so 'weak' before.

Worse still, what the doctors had said stirred up my worst imagination. Both doctors said that if I still did not show any apparent signs of recovery, I might have to take an X-ray picture of my lungs, for fear that I might get tuberculosis.

Anyway, thank God for my gradual recovery now. After this long period of sickness, I tell myself I will not hope to fall sick anymore, with the intention of escaping from the bustling working life.