My Gospel Reflection 3 (Matt 16: 13-19)

Although Simon Peter acknowledged that Jesus is Christ and Son of the living God then, he eventually denied knowing Jesus three times. Jesus clearly could forsee that happening but He still trusted Peter and declared him as the rock, on which He would build his Church. This shows that Jesus does not label others and thereafter condemns them. Instead, Jesus is ultra-magnanimous and merciful. Jesus had not only regarded Peter as worthy to serve Him, but even appointed him as leader of His Church. All human beings are weak in certain ways, but have we ever then disregard any person’s value because of their flaws? If that is the case, are we still imitating Christ?

In addition, Jesus told Peter, “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven: whatever you bind on earth shall be considered bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be consider loosed in heaven.” Having keys of something means that you have access to something and for Peter, Jesus gave him the authority to determine who should enter the gates of heaven. Imagine if Peter were someone who abused his authority, wouldn’t heaven be in chaos? Hence, first of all, a spirit-filled leader should have humility and recognize that without God, nothing can be achieved. In all our work, we should strive to love Him, serve Him with a pure heart, and seek to exalt Him. The second essential quality is to act in righteousness, thereby showing obedience to our Lord. Finally, spirit-filled leaders are mindful that they are only stewards of whatever ministries they are called to lead and thus the need to demonstrate accountability, both in terms of material resources as well as the spiritual well-being of their people.

My Gospel Reflection 2 (Luke 9: 18-24)

“If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross every day and follow me.” What is the meaning of to ‘renounce’ yourself? It means giving up voluntarily something, for instance the worldly pleasures, our human nature and desires. Taking up our crosses every day to follow Christ is never easy, but as long as we choose to walk in the light of Christ, God is always with us. God, our Heavenly Father, will send the Holy Spirit to teach us everything and make us remember all His teachings.

Moreover, The Christ of God was also not spared from the suffering. Jesus had chosen to fulfill His Heavenly Father’s will and was thus subjected to rejection, humiliation, physical torture, and later crucifixion. But Jesus was raised up on the third day! He had taken precedence over us, so what else should we fear when following him?

Reflection on Day 16

Qn: Honestly, are relationships my first priority?
Ans: Honestly, relationships with people is never my top priority, partly because I believe people tend to be unfaithful. Even if they can be loyal to you, circumstances change and this causes relationships to fade. Just like the way I'm slowly losing touch with my primary, secondary, junior college and even NIE friends. Hence, to prevent such a disappointment, I often remind myself not to commit deeply to any relationship, lest I can't take the emptyness of losing a friend.
In recent years, I also increasingly feel that only God's love for me is eternal and ever-present, which transcends all time and physical constraints, NOT even friendship. Hence, I often prefer solitude, which allows me to be in communion with God. God is forever there for me, despite my busy schedule and despite my sinfulness.
Until in Parish Assembly held at my church towards end of 2009, God sent Uncle Louis and Uncle Peter to tell me that spirituality is not only about your personal relationship with God, but it's also about how you spread the love you receive from God to others. I was stumped!

Qn: How can I ensure that relationships is now my first priority?
Ans: Having a mother who has a lot of hidden insecurity, I can only do my utmost to preserve my relationship with her. I had tried different approaches or 'schemes' to get a little freedom, but they all failed. Each time, we ended up in great agony, adding onto our emotional scars.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, my craving for freedom has somehow mysteriously disappeared. I no longer want to try to engage myself in activities in an attempt to escape from her. I now only pray that she has no more misunderstandings about me, that's all!

However, this means that I would have no choice but to regard friendship as less important. It's not that I don't appreciate true friends, or I don't need them, but it's just that I can't do much for them, given my unique family situation. I'm sincerely sorry, Angeline!

Day 16 - What Matters Most

Life is all about love.
It is in loving that we are most like Him.
"The whole Law can be summoned up in this one command: 'Love others as you love yourself.' " (Galatians 5: 14)
Love cannot be learned in isolation. To develop the skill of loving, you have to be around people -- irritating, imperfect, frustrating people.

Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why?
1) Life without love is really worthless.

• Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. But God says relationships are what life is all about.
• Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people.
• Paul said, "No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." ( 1 Corinthians 13:3)
• Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life.
• Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. (Is Coral slowly eroding our friendship? We see each other every day but we just don't have the time for a heart-to-heart chat?)

2) Love will last forever.
Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. (A surge of warmth rose in my heart when I saw Zhan Ying and Agnes Lim that night outside Tampines One, running towards me from a far distance, shouting, "Miss Lee." Then, we met each other again at Tampines bus interchange and had quite a long chat.)

3) We will be evaluated on our love.
One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships.
God will review how we treated other people, particularly those in need.

The Best Expression of Love is Time

• Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
• The most desired gift of love is focused attention.
• Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love.
• Love means giving up - yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else. (And I think very often, love also means giving up your dignity or so-called 'face'.)

(My top three priorities these two years have been school work, church work and spending time with my mum. I'm already struggling to juggle my time between these three priorities. When school term starts, I will have to focus on school work followed by spending time with my mum. When holiday starts, I will switch my focus to catechism ministry work followed by spending time with my mum. My life is very much driven by work. Reading, blogging and praying in the adoration room are the only times I leave for myself. I have no complaints, especially about my heavy responsibility in the catechism ministry.

My only regret is I can't afford to spend more time with my best friend, Angeline. She's the only one who seems to have telepathy with me. She can sense that I'm upset or behaving rather awkwardly even when we don't get to talk face-to-face. I truly thank God for giving me such a close and reliable buddy but I often feel guilty for not being able to keep her company for as often as I would wish to. Many times, when she asked me out, I had to reject her for various reasons. This year, when she most needed a listening ear, I wasn't by her side as well. In fact, our communication with each other this year is more on sms rather than talking face to face.)

The Best Time to Love is Now

• Because you don't know how long you will have the opportunity.
• Circumstances change. You have no guarantee of tomorrow.
• If you want to express love, you had better do it now.

- taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life.

My Gospel Reflection 1 (Luke 7: 36- 8: 3)

This is the first time I wrote a Gospel reflection. Thanks to the inspiration given by the Holy Spirit. Praise the Lord! (Anyway, I'm not that pious or hardworking. As part of the Lectors' Ministry duty, we have to write Gospel reflections for my church bulletin for a month. Since I've written, might as well post it on my blog! :>)

The theme for this week's Eucharistic celebration is the forgiving Christ. Indeed, Christ's mercy is once again manifested in today's Gospel reading. However, I am even more stricken by the courageous acts of the woman. Despite being aware of others' condescending looks on her, she slipped into the Pharisee's house. She wept profusely as she was deeply repentant for her bad life. When her tears dropped on Jesus' feet, she wiped them away with a woman's prized possession - her hair. Then, she kissed Jesus' feet and poured perfumed ointment on them. She was an uninvited guest or might be regarded as a trespasser, but she was doing all the gestures of hospitality that a good host should show for his guest. In contrast, the Pharisee who had invited Jesus to his house did not do anything to welcome Jesus, not even the basic courteous act of washing a guest's feet with water. But this repentant woman risked being accused of showing audacity in her process of seeking forgiveness from Christ. Look, just how determined and fearless she was!

When we commit a sin, do we have the courage to confess to God? Do we dare to seek God's pardon and mercy? Are we just as determined to restore our relationship with God by getting our sins removed or are we still hindered by pride or fear of embarrassment?

比坦

你为什么像比坦一样永远不相信我？你为什么像比坦一样永远怀疑我？
我也许是自私点，也许疏忽了，也许懒惰，更也许不懂得什么是真爱和自我牺牲的精神，但我敢对主发誓我从来没有瞧不起你，从来没有因自己是大学生而鄙视你，更没有嫌弃你与我参加同一个教会团体。为什么你偏要说我歧视你，甚至算计你，谋害你？
难道就因为我是瘟神的种？难道就因为我是瘟神的种，圣神就不可能在我身上运作，使我改变过去的陋习吗？
我心碎了。你一直坚持说我走歪路了，去为魔鬼服务了，违反了天主的十诫。
你一直在我耳边说我嫌弃你，不孝顺你。难道我潜意识中真的有这样想过吗？我已迷惘了。天主，到底祢让这个误会产生，是真的为了警告我已失去纯洁的灵魂，开始高傲起来，还是祢要考验我是否会效仿祢被订在十字架上默默地坚忍一切不公平的斥责？天主，我不愿迷失自己，祢是最洞悉一切的主，若我内心深处真的有丝毫鄙视比坦的念头，就请你带我的灵魂走吧！若没有的话，就请你通过圣神赐给我力量及更多的爱德去更加细心爱护和宽恕比坦，而不要在乎个人的自尊及谁对谁错。

Coughing

Very often, in Coral, when confronted by ultra-hectic schedules and approaching deadlines, I often wished to fall sick so that I can get mcs, which is a form of respite for me.

God has somehow 'granted' my wish. First, I fell down at the altar steps when I was doing my lector duty, which caused me to visit a Chinese physician. After completing the Chinese medicine, I soon developed a long period of cough and flu. It drags on for about a month ever since after Crescendo till now. After visiting my usual family doctor four times, I still could not recover, until recently, I had to switch to another private clinic. Indeed, in total, I managed to take about four to five days of mcs during this most stressful exam period.

However, for the first time in my life, I experienced what it means by vulnerability, both physically and emotionally. (I don't recall having such feelings even when I was contracted with Hand Foot Mouth disease two years ago.) I often felt the rumbling of phlegm in my chest when I tried to raise my voice, when I tried to say something, when I sang hymns, and even when I walked faster. I remember myself coughing incessantly while invigilating in the hall after darting to and fro to give foolscap papers to those candidates who need extra writing materials. At that moment, I felt so weak and defenseless, like an old woman. (I often take pride in myself for being the swiftest and probably most alert invigilator.) Suddenly, the self-confident image was crumbled to pieces. I have never felt so 'weak' before.

Worse still, what the doctors had said stirred up my worst imagination. Both doctors said that if I still did not show any apparent signs of recovery, I might have to take an X-ray picture of my lungs, for fear that I might get tuberculosis.

Anyway, thank God for my gradual recovery now. After this long period of sickness, I tell myself I will not hope to fall sick anymore, with the intention of escaping from the bustling working life.

Qualities of St Joseph and Messiah

1) Righteousness
2) Sensitivity
3) Responsiveness to God
4) Self-discipline

- taken from Fr Thomas' homily

For me, although I'm a leader in the Catechetical Ministry now, I have yet to possess all the four desirable qualities of St Joseph and Messiah. However, I feel that God is rescuing me from my hideous sinful nature and is trying to develop these four qualities in me through the people around me, at home, in school and in church. At least, my heart is being stirred up by the Holy Spirit and I'm now more watchful of my real intentions and attitudes behind my actions. Praise the Lord! Thank you, Lord Jesus!

The Awakening 2

Indeed, I’m quite certain that this book was hand-picked for me by God Himself. If not, I can’t explain why I got so immensely attracted to this book after browsing through a few pages of it and without hesitation, I borrowed it instantly as if it contains the answers I need.

After reading this section entitled “Goodness and Rightness” in this book, it starts to dawn on me that I’m indeed a bad daughter. In addition, many events that happened to my church life recently point out that I have no real love for my mum. I think my love for my pupils and even for my stuffed toys can surpass the ‘love’ for my mum. I hate my mum for restricting my freedom. I hate my mum for not trusting me enough. I hate my mum for accusing me of harbouring selfish or evil intentions when I can swear that I do not have such intentions at all. I hate my mum for accusing me of flaring up when my temper hasn’t even risen. I hate my mum MOST when she says that I resemble my sickening Dad and cannot notice that I’m already striving to change for the better, by the grace and salvation of God, although certainly not perfect yet! Because of all that, I’m deeply agitated with my mum and I find that sometimes, her words just rouse more resentment and anger in me. This is the brokenness that is rampant in my apparently ‘close’ relationship with my mother.

My heart is getting more unsettled and disturbed these days. I used to think that I’m a filial and obedient daughter who sacrifices my time for my mum and she really should not ask for more, comparing myself to contemporary teenagers who seldom go out or spend their leisure time with their parents. But recently, God seems to be reproaching and has been bombarding me with Bible phrases like ‘do not harden our hearts’, ‘it is kindness that I want, not animal sacrifices’, ‘put on sincere love’, ‘not grow tired of doing good’ and the like. These biblical messages and the current circumstances have stirred me tremendously out of my comfort zone.


All along, I assumed the fault lies in my mother for hurting me. But this book has made me realize that children need to show a greater tolerance and appreciation for their parents’ limitations and recognize that being also humans, they are capable of inflicting pain on us too. However, parents are not wrong because they still love their children. On the contrary, I have high expectations of them since parents are the role models and our closest ones. I strongly felt that all the more, they should not hurt their children. That’s why I often collapse into tears whenever my mum accuses me, and my mum will take that crying as a sign of my meekness. But I can’t tell her the truth that she has accused me and even if I try, both parties will get ‘hotter’. She’ll never understand.

The solutions to my predicament are to practise sorrowful obedience in addition to simply joyful obedience (mentioned in Fr Thomas’ homily) and to take refuge in Lord Jesus. In other words, gladly accept these unfair treatments as a kind of suffering and trial that God our Father wants me to undergo and triumph over it. Continue to see the face of our Heavenly Father in my mum’s face, no matter how ‘unreasonable’ she may sometimes be, because ultimately, she still loves me. Love prevails and reigns! When tensions are running high at home, focus on the Lord for He is my rock and refuge. Focus on the Lord's love for me and thus in gratitude, I should avoid sin. Do NOT focus on preserving my dignity.

Last but not the least, one comforting message that I get from this book is the more I’m made aware of my own flaws in my character, I’m actually being drawn closer to God. Allelujah!

Lord, I thank you for sustaining me and allowing me to grow through this awakening. Thank you for letting me to come out of my shell of complacency. I pray that you will give me the strength and grace to show genuine love to my mum. Strengthen me in faith to allow me to surrender and trust in You.

Goodness and Rightness

1) The key to morality is to strive to know the right and to do it. Otherwise, we are bad.
2) Morals are matters of love, are matters of effort.
3) Real sin is the failure to act, the failure to love. In fact, throughout the Gospels, sin is not attributed to obvious wrongdoers, but consistently to those who don’t bother to love.
4) What have I done for Christ? What am I doing for Christ? What will I do for Christ?
5) Appreciate that parents have limitations and recognize that parents are capable of causing considerable harm. The parent may be wrong, but not because of any failure to love.
6) Hearts of sinners have not been “bothered” or “unsettled”; they are content, complacent, resting assured.
7) We ought to be modest about our self-understanding. In terms of rightness, we might be more upright. In terms of goodness, we might not necessarily be more loving.
8) For our lives are not personal achievements. What we have now in our lives is not an accomplishment, but a gift.
9) As saints get older, they realize that there is plenty for them to be thankful for because of God’s mercy. They also grow in the self-understanding that they are probably not as good as they thought they were.
10) As people get closer to God, they realize that most of the light is radiating from God onto themselves, and not, vice versa.
- extracted from James F. Keenan, S.J. Commandments of Compassion