Coughing

Very often, in Coral, when confronted by ultra-hectic schedules and approaching deadlines, I often wished to fall sick so that I can get mcs, which is a form of respite for me.

God has somehow 'granted' my wish. First, I fell down at the altar steps when I was doing my lector duty, which caused me to visit a Chinese physician. After completing the Chinese medicine, I soon developed a long period of cough and flu. It drags on for about a month ever since after Crescendo till now. After visiting my usual family doctor four times, I still could not recover, until recently, I had to switch to another private clinic. Indeed, in total, I managed to take about four to five days of mcs during this most stressful exam period.

However, for the first time in my life, I experienced what it means by vulnerability, both physically and emotionally. (I don't recall having such feelings even when I was contracted with Hand Foot Mouth disease two years ago.) I often felt the rumbling of phlegm in my chest when I tried to raise my voice, when I tried to say something, when I sang hymns, and even when I walked faster. I remember myself coughing incessantly while invigilating in the hall after darting to and fro to give foolscap papers to those candidates who need extra writing materials. At that moment, I felt so weak and defenseless, like an old woman. (I often take pride in myself for being the swiftest and probably most alert invigilator.) Suddenly, the self-confident image was crumbled to pieces. I have never felt so 'weak' before.

Worse still, what the doctors had said stirred up my worst imagination. Both doctors said that if I still did not show any apparent signs of recovery, I might have to take an X-ray picture of my lungs, for fear that I might get tuberculosis.

Anyway, thank God for my gradual recovery now. After this long period of sickness, I tell myself I will not hope to fall sick anymore, with the intention of escaping from the bustling working life.