My Fear

Though I'm a teacher, I have my fears too.

Today, I just read Nadhirah's blog and managed to gain a deeper insight on the journey my beloved pupils experienced during the 3-days Project Super Achievers programme. Actually, I would love to stay with my pupils till the end of that programme on Wednesday, if not for the sake of my mum who had food poisoning that week. It's such a pity that I missed the most heart-wrenching moments when my 5N pupils expressed their ambitions and fears that hinder them from performing. Tears actually streaked down some of their faces.

To tell you the truth, this is also the first year in my entire teaching career when I sensed the highest level of pressure and FEAR. Why? Because I am teaching the entire 5NA stream. If this is your first time studying for 'O' level English, this is also my first time teaching 'O' level English after getting so used to the NA English syllabus. On top of that, I was the one who asked for this 'cross', requesting to exchange 4/7 or 4/8 (can't remember now) for 5/1, thinking that this arrangement would benefit my students and me better. But there came a point when I started to wonder: Is this a right decision? Would I shortchange my beloved 5NA pupils by being possessive? Now, the responsibility to make sure everyone produces optimal English results for 2009 'O' level English exam is even heavier on me. I also cannot let Mrs Aziz down for entrusting the results of the entire 5N stream to me. My usual self-confidence crumbled, like a wall being torn down. (To be cont'd...)