For One More Day- Forgive Yourself

When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.

I had no one to talk me out of my despair, and that was a mistake. You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.
(extracted from For One More Day)

My greatest take from this novel is the importance of being able to forgive yourself.

Charley Benetto adores his father since young, only to see him leaving his mother when Charley is on the verge of adolescence. With regards to baseball, Charley is as passionate as his father.

Years later, after Charley is married, on his mother’s seventy-ninth birthday, his father calls him to invite him to play in an Old Timers game. Though Charley is a bit hesitant to accept the offer, he cannot bear to reject his Dad; so he fakes an excuse, lies to his mother, wife and daughter and flies off. As he is reminiscing (remembering / recollecting past experiences) the glory of his days as a young energetic baseball player while swinging his bat, his mother collapsed at his hometown due to a massive heart attack. Charley thus misses the only opportunity to bid farewell to his mother. As he drives home through the night, he is tormented more by guilt than by shock and grief. Since then, his life has been destroyed by alcohol and regret. He loses his job. He leaves his family. He hits rock bottom after discovering that he won’t be invited to his only daughter’s wedding, and this is the most crucial thing that drives him to commit suicide.



Clearly, as Charley cannot let go of the immense guilt deeply engraved in his heart due to his irrevocable decision, he submits himself to alcohol and his relationships with his loved ones inevitably deteriorates. He does not confide to his loved ones anymore and becomes “ornery (grumpy) and distant”. He imagines himself suffering all alone. He shuts everybody out from his own world until he meets his dead mother...

It is a well-known fact that hurting people hurt others. The longer you
avoid forgiving yourself, the longer you allow yourself to harbor the feelings that you deserve to suffer for what you did, the more explosive you will become and, therefore, the more apt you are to hurt others. (extracted from http://www.allaboutgod.com/forgiving-yourself.htm)

Personally, I had been through this experience before. (Refer to last year’s August entry 4/4- Bane of my Teaching Career) The feeling was terrible once I realized that I had vented my frustration on another group of innocent pupils. I resolved this problem by confessing my sin to God and asking God to teach me how to be a firmer and more righteous teacher. After that, the healing gradually took place and I have never since repeated that mistake again.

Teaching is a life-giving career. If we persistently dwell on our sins and cannot forgive ourselves, then we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and to move on with life and with God. How can we then overcome our obstacles when we are stuck in our misery? How can we then encourage our students to stretch their limits when we already believe that it is impossible for us to impact others?

Forgive yourself. Let go of whatever you are holding against yourself. You can let the healing begin...

Writing Testimonials

Yesterday, I finally completed the mammoth task of drafting all the testimonials for my form class. A huge load was instantaneously off my shoulder as I printed out all the drafts and passed them to Mr. Osman to vet. After the first vet, I still have to print out the amended testimonials for Mrs. Aziz to vet. After the second round of amendments, then it would be the Principal's turn to vet. So you see, it's such a tedious and laborious task and all of us have to be very careful about it as once the School Graduation Certificate (SGC) is printed, then correction of each error will cost the school $50.

We will give you a chance to check your testimonial, so by then, please scrutinise (to examine it in detail carefully or critically) it! But anyway, rest assured that I did not rush through this process of drafting. I spent on average an hour recollecting each student's achievements and strengths in his / her character and writing them down. Thankfully, I have no other urgent tasks to be completed at hand, unlike other teachers who have buried themselves in marking their Sec 1-3 exam papers. Thus, I was in the clearest and most relaxed state of mind while writing your testimonials. :>

The most challenging part of writing testimonials is to omit all negative remarks, even for the most challenging students. However, fortunately for me, as I have taught you guys for at least a few years, I have been able to pick up some commendable qualities for each one of you. Hence, look forward to your testimonial!

Few interesting statistics:
1) Shortest testimonial: Hardi
2) Longest testimonial: Maisurah (Had spent three hours drafting it!)
3) Most unique testimonial: Louie

This statement is from the bottom of my heart. I'm truly honoured to be the first teacher writing your secondary school testimonial.

You can do anything! You ROCK!

I can do anything I set my mind to.
I can make dreams happen by the things
that I do.

I dug out this motivational poster from my classroom drawer. The academic year for my dear 4N pupils is going to end in less than a week’s time. Very soon, they are going to face one of the greatest challenges in their lives, and perhaps the most daunting (intimidating / scary / frightening) one for them so far: the GCE ‘N’ Level examinations.

As I chatted with some of my pupils during my English lessons (which now are slacking time for them), some of them admitted to me that they only started doing serious revision from this week onwards, just a week before the start of their national examinations! I am appalled (extremely shocked)! But soon, I realized one possible reason for their half-heartedness in their preparation for the ‘N’ level examinations. It was their fear of ending up in Institute of Technological Education (ITE) despite having studied till secondary five.

No doubt, this is something that can possibly happen, but YOU CERRTAINLY HAVE CONTROL over your academic performance. YOU CAN DECIDE whether this ‘tragedy’ will happen to you or not.

Don’t set limits to your own capability! Once you have the fear that you can’t make it, your body will subconsciously produce the inertia (a feeling of not wanting to move or do anything) to influence you not to take so much action or put in too much effort to achieve your goals. Without much hard work put in, how can your goals be achieved? This is a self-fulfilling prophecy (a statement made about something they believe will happen). On top of that, the fear or the so-called limit will distract you and obstruct you from achieving success. This is a vicious cycle that just further reinforces the apparent notion that you are a born failure, but it's just an ILLUSION! You have to get yourself out of this trap!

Sound too philosophical or psychological? Well, I recently had a similar experience and let me share it with you. I usually take a long time to finish my meals, especially if it is my favourite vegetable rice. One day, my timetable was so packed. I knew I did not have the luxury to spend one hour for lunch but at the same time, after eating my breakfast in the canteen, I could not resist the tantalizing look of the fresh green leafy vegetables that was just cooked. I stood at the vegetable rice stall, gazing at it for a few seconds. I calculated the time that I could spare for lunch that day, only a mere twenty-five minutes during the upper secondary recess period. However, the temptation was so great that I decided to pack my lunch back to the staffroom, casting away all my concerns of the time constraint.

After teaching for two hours, I returned to the staffroom and quickly sat down to treat myself the packed vegetable rice. Usually, I love to multi-task by checking my e-mails and eating at the same time. But at that time, I did nothing except to concentrate eating my lunch. Of course, I managed to complete consuming my satisfying meal within half an hour. Another reason why I found that meal very fulfilling is because I broke my shortest eating record time, which would at least be forty-five minutes. If I had been afraid that I could not finish my meal in time, I would then have to starve till dismissal time, which was exactly what my colleague had to endure. She looked at me with envy and exclaimed, “Wow! You really manage to finish eating that delectable (delicious / very attractive) vegetable rice that you bought just now!” I smiled back at her with glee.

Well, hope this simple story can illustrate what I meant by not setting limits to your own capability. As long as you are not doing anything morally wrong or illegal, then go ahead! FOCUS, cast away all your worries and JUST DO IT! You will enjoy a BREAKTHROUGH in your life.

Remember, YOU ROCK!

Prayer for a Student

(This prayer is dedicated to all students who believe in Jesus or hope to ask for Jesus' help in your studies though you are not a Christian or a Catholic.)

O Infant Jesus, eternal Wisdom made flesh, who shed your blessings so generously on all, and most especially on school-children and students who trust in You, please look kindly on me as I implore (beg / appeal)You to guide and assist me in my studies.

You, O God made Man, Lord of all learning, source of all understanding and memory, come and help me in my weakness. Enlighten my mind, give me an ability to acquire knowledge and truth and the capacity to remember all I learn. Be my light, strength and comfort in moments of special difficulty.

By the grace of Your divine Heart, may I do all my school tasks to the best of my ability and gain the utmost profit from them, so that I may get good marks and, most important of all, be moved up next year.

To merit such favours, for my part, I promise to perform faithfully all my duties as a Christian and to love You more and more. O Sweet Infant Jesus, keep me always under Your protecting mantle (a loose, sleeveless cloak or cape) and be my guide, not only on the path of learning, but above all on the path to eternal salvation. So be it!

Making a comeback!

Finally, finally, I completed all my preliminary exam papers marking, prepared the examiner's report and model essays and distributed to my 4N pupils today, on their first day of the GCE 'N' level examination. It is such a relief, like a huge burden removed! Although there would be always some pupils who detested being held back and forced to listen to my feedback briefing, I did not care. I told myself not to be bothered by such unwelcoming gestures and remarks. All I know is I have done my best to prepare you guys and I am clear to my conscience.

After the invigilation and sorting out of my abandoned exam papers and notes, I decided to slack for a while to reward myself after working soo extremely hard for the past weeks or even months.

First, I checked my blog and saw Boon Hao tagging me. He has started his own blog, and through his blog, I saw many other 4N boys' blogs, like Chuan Yong, Xiang Yi, and the well-reputed Soon Yang's blog (Mr Labi's livejournal). I thought these boys were not interested in blogging initially. What prompts them to suddenly start their own blog at this stressful period? I pondered. To improve their English? Very unlikely, maybe it's true for Soon Yang. Or are they getting emo too so they need to blog to pour out their emotions? To relieve their stress? Perhaps.

My virtual journey in cyberspace then commenced. Visiting one blog after another and tagging one blog after another, including old ones and new ones, and soon, around two hours passed. I then start to type this apparently meaningless entry. Funny, the whole experience is just like catching up with some long lost friends when actually, I get to see them EVERY DAY! Really ironical!

Improve your English through Online Reading

My dear pupils,
I bet some of you are getting more and more anxious about the upcoming 'N' level English exam, right? Fret not. Besides practising papers after papers, here's the fun way to improve your English expression, enrich your vocabulary and as well as gain more knowledge about current trends and affairs.

Here's introducing you TWO valuable websites.
1) STOMP- http://www.stomp.com.sg/stink/ (with a highly interactive and vibrant interface)
The sections that I like best are:
a) Talkback- a forum with a myriad of topics and perspectives.
b) Star Blog- Seven star bloggers penning their thoughts on controversial and sometimes personal topics. (a very good source of Standard English as compared to students' blogs)
c) Media Club- Access to a variety of less serious newspaper articles as opposed to those in Straits Times.

2) Channelnewsasia Blogs- http://www.channelnewsasia.com/blogs/
The only difference between Channelnewsasia Blogs and Star Blog on STOMP is that the latter contains entries on a designated topic every week whereas the other one contain more personal entries.

Don't just read blindly and quickly if you want to improve your language expression. Take down any useful words or phrases and copy the entire sentence accompanying it. Collect these useful vocabulary expressions and try to remember them.

Copy the entire text onto a blank Word document. Hide certain words and then test yourself to see whether you know the answers to the blanks. In other words, test yourself cloze passage.

Effects of Second-Hand Smoke

QUIT SMOKING FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SIBLINGS, FRIENDS OR EVEN YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! DON'T SUBJECT THEM TO THE RISK OF AN EARLIER DEATH!

Quit Smoking!

Believe it or not! The following statements are just smoking myths. I hope this video clip can convince you to quit smoking, once and for all.

Myth 1: Smokers need will power to quit.
Myth 2: Smokers choose to smoke.
Myth 3: Nicotine and gum patches work.
Myth 4: Giving up is hard.

A Platform to Shout for God's Mercy

On 12 May 2008, I was officially diagnosed with Hand Foot Mouth disease. More and more blisters grew on my hands and feet and they were terribly itchy. However, I had to bear with the discomfort and continued marking the exam papers, which were still quite a lot then. (I was still left with three classes of summaries and three classes of compositions.) I believe I would certainly not be able to finish marking the papers by the time the pupils returned to school on the next day, 13 May. Hence, I felt that that illness befell on me like a blessing in disguise as I was given five days of mc. It was like an extension of five marking days for me, I secretly smiled to myself.

Unfortunately, after the severe itch stage, came the stage of excruciating pain. My feet were in such a great pain that it was so difficult to even lift each foot up. Walking inside my house was like climbing a mountain as I had to hold on to the surrounding furniture for every step I took.

Seeing my plight, my mother was worried that I could not recover by Saturday, 17 May, when I was supposed to help introduce my church, Sts Peter and Paul (SPP), to a group of visitors from St Bernadette church’s CCD. I told my catechist coordinator, Joyce, that I would like to take charge of the Divine Mercy section and the Infant Jesus section. Hence, my mother reminded me to pray to Infant Jesus for physical healing. I then started to pray the Infant Jesus Emergency Novena. (This Novena is to be said at the same time every hour for nine consecutive hours for just one day.) I requested the Lord to heal me completely by Saturday so that I could accomplish this “mission” together with the other two catechists.

The Infant Jesus Emergency Novena
O Jesus, You said, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I knock, I seek and I ask that my prayer be granted.

(State your request.)

O Jesus, You said, “All that you ask the Father in my Name, He will grant you.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Your Father in Your Name that my prayer be granted.

(Repeat your request.)

O Jesus, You said, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My word shall not pass.” Through the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.

(Repeat your request.)

At the same time, my mother asked me whether there was anything I ought to do for Infant Jesus but hesitated. I recalled that I originally wanted to share the story about the birth of the statue of Infant Jesus of Prague but Father discouraged it as he believed that the audience might have short attention span and so not be interested in long historical stories. However, despite his objection, the story still lingered in my mind when I had only read it once on a page printed out from the Internet. More importantly, I felt rather reluctant to abandon the story totally in my introduction of Infant Jesus to the visitors. I told my mother my reservation and she taught me to ask Infant Jesus whether I should share the story. I prayed to Infant Jesus, “Dear Infant Jesus, I would want to help spread your name. I will tell the visitors the story of the origins of your statue. Please help to alleviate the pain in my legs if you approve of my decision.”

The next day when I woke up, the pain seemed to be a little less intense. However soon, the tormenting pain resumed. Then, my mother suggested calling up the doctor to see whether there was any pain-killer available for my illness. I heeded the advice and indeed, the doctor gave me a few pain-killers and some pills for eliminating viruses. I only had to take one pain-killer and gradually, the pain reduced and eventually, disappeared. This time round, the pain had vanished for good! I could walk with ease again! Just then, I managed to complete praying the emergency novena for the third day. (I did it three times because on the previous two days, I did not manage to complete it at the exact fixed timing of each hour.) As soon as I had completed praying, I could move my legs up and down to even exercise! Apparently, Infant Jesus had removed my pain! He had given me the sign to proceed with proclaiming His story! I was brimming with joy and gratitude!

Sure enough, by Saturday, I had recovered to a large extent, though my legs were a bit swollen. Most of the blisters had already dried up. All praise and glory be to God! When I met Father, I informed him of my decision to share the story of the origins of the statue of Infant Jesus of Prague. Quite to my surprise, this time, he said, “I leave it up to you.” He also added that I should try to make it interactive in order to catch the audience’s attention.

At around 10am, the visitors from St Bernadette church’s CCD arrived. We embarked on our “mission” of introducing our church, SPP, to our distinguished visitors. After our catechist coordinator, Joyce, had briefed on the church’s history and highlighted some features about its architecture, it was my turn. I briefly mentioned about the divine mercy devotions held in our church and later, ushered the audience to sit comfortably near the Infant Jesus shrine.

When everyone was seated, I began my introduction. I first mentioned that the statue they saw in SPP is an exact replica of the one in Prague. Then, I went on with the story of the birth of the statue. (http://www.s-infantjesus.org/?q=node/11) I was expecting some inattentive, noisy and “switched off” audience, anticipating that they might get bored with the story, or rather with my presentation. However, much to my amazement, majority of the kids and almost all the adults were listening to me quietly. I even got a few responses from two older kids when I prompted them to predict the development of the story. I had never been able to grasp the attention of so many people before as I normally even have difficulties capturing the attention of my own pupils in my secondary classes. With utmost awe and gratitude, I gave thanks to Infant Jesus silently on the spot.

With the help of Father Thomas, our “mission” was accomplished smoothly. The visitors proceeded to visit our columbarium, the new parish building and finally, our adoration room.

Now, in retrospect, I recall a Lectio Divina practice that I had in the last Carmelite 2040 session. The part of the gospel extracted was from Mark 10: 46-52 and the title is Blind Bartimaeus Receives His Sight. At that time, in my rumination process, the phrase shouted all the more struck me and it remains in my mind till now. I feel that the Hand Foot Mouth disease was an opportunity for me to lean to Jesus Christ for help and healing so that I am put right with God through my faith in Jesus Christ. (Romans 3:22 God puts people right through their faith in Jesus Christ. ) Indeed, if not for this illness, I would never be so hardworking or pious to keep praying, to keep shouting to God for his mercy. I would still be so absorbed in my work and will never realize at a personal level, God’s overwhelming love for me. Despite the many sins I have committed, God still heals me and even acceded to my request. I hope this long testimony can help to lift all my praises and thanksgiving to God and Infant Jesus.

Tuesdays with Morrie

Don't know why. Today, I feel like taking out Tuesdays with Morrie from my bookshelf and browse through the pages which I underlined and annotated last time. I came across these meaningful sentences and would like to share with my blog readers.

The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

You know what really gives you satisfaction?

Offering others what you have to give.

I don't mean money, Mitch. I mean your time.